sent from: Esher, Surrey, UK. destination: Richmond, Virginia, USA

In the dark of the early morning, from the rip in space and time that is The Gap, emerged one day a man. When the sun came up properly everyone could see his skin was smurf-blue, he had six fingers on each hand, and he had a scarily profound knowledge of the films of John McTiernan. Many Hindus thought he might be Vishnu incarnate, but that fell away once people realised he was much more man than myth. Still, his brush with fame allowed him to set up a nice life for himself with a house along the Thames from which he set up advocacy groups for people with unusual skin conditions, in between updates to the wikipedia page for “Predator”. Of his life before The Gap, he could remember little, although facial recognition software said he bore a striking resemblance to portraits of a 15th century inventor who claimed to have built a rocket and then vanished, leaving behind sketches that Da Vinci stole for his own. When he died, he donated his hands to science, and they were exhibited at the Science Museum, like a saint’s.