|sent from: London, UK. destination: Brooklyn, New York, USA|
Something I said upset someone this week, to the point that they chose to leave the room, take a break, and re-enter later. It really wasn’t about me, their anger was rooted elsewhere. It was a work meeting with several people, who sat quiet, awkwardly, as we had our contentious conversation. It’s very difficult to see someone’s anger and frustration and let it play out naturally ~ I find my emotional state so tethered to those in my immediate vicinity that an unbalance anywhere can throw me off, capsize the boat. I’ve learned over the years that it’s not up to me to make it better, just as it wasn’t my fault that it happened in the first place. We talked about it, alone, immediately after and it was fine, but I had to hold on firmly for the rest of the day. I can’t disconnect completely, my gut instinct is to apologise, to retreat, to shoulder responsibility, anything to make it okay. The rest of the day went okay; well, even.
On leaving work, the sky was so beautiful. I wanted to cry.